Life: In Progress

We let them into our lives.  We think it’s okay to give a part of ourselves.  We keep getting  our heart broken.  Why do we  keep giving?  Why does part of us change when we don’t want to leave ourselves open and vulnerable, yet when we do, part changes and part gets so severely damaged, we hurt so bad.  My heart actually hurts.  My heart is physically hurting.  I can’t sleep, eat properly, or walk properly.  My stomach aches in a way it normally doesn’t.  I am physically ill as a result of this.  I am doing everything in my power not to cry at work.

Yes, it’s the end of another.  Dave has ended our romantic relationship.  We are still friends – I need some time – but he’s not out of my life completely.

Super Dave is currently un-Super, but hey, that’s life.  What?  Can I find positives to this negative?  Of course, it wouldn’t be me!

Um, I get the bed to myself tonight?  Yep, it’s not good enough.  I think this is why I am still up at 12:20 am and at my computer instead of sleeping.

Your Life Path Number is 9

Your purpose in life is to make the world betterYou are very socially conscious and a total idealist. You think there are many things wrong with the world, and you want to fix them. You have a big idea of how to world could be, and you’ll sacrifice almost anything to work towards this dream. In love, you can easily see the beauty in someone else. And you never cling too tightly. You are capable of great love, but it’s hard for you to focus your love on one person or relationship. You have a lot of outward focus, and you tend to blame the world for your failures. You are often disappointed by the realities of life – it’s hard for you to accept the shortcomings of the world.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Uh, if you know me, you know I do quizzes when I feel the need.  It’s been quite a while…

I don’t get overly upset anymore.  Not much really t’s me off.  I am a pretty laid-back person.

I had a lot of fun today – One of my Asian brothers (I have many – they are international students whom stay or have stayed with my Mother) got married and we were invited to share the ceremonies with him and his new wife.  So much fun.  He doesn’t like where he’s from and wants to stay here.

But the Rolling Stones concert is happening, so my roommate had friends over last night and have people staying tonight.

Well…  I came home to a disaster of a kitchen this morning and home to my cat and hers locked in my TV room.  I can’t even go into my TV room because the sofa bed is pulled out and I don’t have the desire to put it back and possibly not even the strength.

Naturally, or so I’d assume people would feel, I’m not happy about this.  I’m very unimpressed people are not more considerate, or perhaps I’m way too considerate.

As a roommate, I don’t eat the other person’s food without asking first, I don’t usually take a shower before asking if he/she needs to go to the washroom.  Is this crazy?  Are people not this nice?  I put my dishes in a container under the sink if I’m not washing them.  I clean the table when finished using it.  Am I insane?  Should I leave my shoes in the middle of the floor, my crumbs everywhere, my dishes where ever??

Am I overly considerate – yes.  I am definitely this.  But what am I??  Crazy, well….  Yes, I am at times, but still…  This makes me unhappy and this type of inconsideration makes me grumpy and wonder why I bother??

Ought I become as equally as inconsiderate?

The foolish and the dead alone never

change their opinions. -James Russell

Lowell, poet, editor, and diplomat (1819-1891)

I am tired, I am at work, I will leave at 5 pm... Drone.....

my mind is far from focused. I mean work-wise. I am not with it at all: my brain is moving to fast for my body and I am forgetting things in a split-second. I can’t type, I am impatient, I am fretful, I am baffled, simply confused.

The only means of strengthening one's intellect is to make up

one's mind about nothing -- to let the mind be a thoroughfare

for all thoughts. -John Keats, poet (1795-1821)

I am still recovering, but recovering well.  I walked home

with Dave last night and it only took 30 minutes.  That's great

for me!  I got tired at the end, but throught the entire

experience was great.  I am very tired now, it's the need

for food that also is making me sleepy....

I really have little to write about..  Life is pretty

hectic right now!

I know I am often all about myself, but I am feeling extremely selfish right now.  I know I have all the right in the world to feel this way, but I still feel guilt surrounding it.  I can’t completely allow others to take care of me and the stubborn girl I know and love always comes to play when I’m sick.

I am teaching her to be patient and relax, but she does get anxious and fidgety when she can’t do what she wants – understandable right??

Oh my, I am so tired and really want to sleep for hours.  I am so exhausted the thought of crying takes too much energy let alone to actually do it.  I know it would be a release I can use, but I don’t have what it takes.

Until another day, I am still undergoing steroid treatment and am beat to a snot – my words are poetry!

Hey all!

I am tired, don’t really feel like writing, but know I need to get the juices flowing and get some crap out on the page so it’s not in my head.

I am pooped.  I slept a lot of the evening and know I won’t really sleep well tonight but figure it’s the weekend, so other than going to Mom’s tomorrow afternoon after getting Matt (my Bro) from the airport, I can veg tomorrow.  Perhaps I’ll stay in bed.  That or finally start watching some of my recorded Rockstar Supernova TV.  I love the show.

Anyway, today was brutal for the meds again.  Three needles in one day is three too many for me!  LOL!

I had my regular Friday MS Avonex shot, then my first IV didn’t want to stay (my arm goes into spasms when I’m not completely comfortable like today which helps the line puncture the vein).  Anyway, I’m tired, bruised, and really icked out.  I am not getting anymore steroids until Monday so I can regain my strength.

Anywho, my bro is coming home this weekend from England, it’ll be nice to have him make me laugh.  I miss him even though I’ll only admit that a few times.

love you all, thanks for the support – I will make my rounds tomorrow if I can!

Adrienne

Uh, I am very introspective today.  I am going through methylprednisone (steroids, but not the body-building kind).  I knew of this yesterday and I have been through this before.

I admit, even though I only see the nurses a few times a year *I am so grateful for this* it’s very soothing seeing familiar faces there.  I don’t need people to come with me anymore because I know how I will react even if it’s one of many reactions.

One is normal in the sense that it’s feeling “High”.  I have felt this feeling many times, so it’s nothing new.  I get paranoid, I write/talk more than usual (As if right!), I question myself – should I admit to feeling high most of the time!  Well, I’m impaired and immobile concerning distances.

Anywho, I’ll be sporadic, I love the love!!  I appreciate the support and props to my comment homeys!!  LOL!!