Life: In Progress

I say simply amazing out minds.  We are as intelligent as we make ourselves.  We can grow mentally.

I know I don’t always have the physical being to be able to enjoy things I love (i.e., walking extensively), but I do love my brain.

I say this as I’ve been watching Torchwood yet again (I love that show).  Oh, and I also have red wine coursing through my veins.

Anyway, I digress yet again.  I am thinking how amazing our little heads are because even though we may not be able to do things physically, there is always the the mental possibilities that are overlooked.  We have so much power in our heads it’s simply fantastic.

I know my education doesn’t give me a strong foundation to stand on regarding said issues of the mind, but I do exercise my own mind and have my mental experiences to draw upon.   I’m not brilliant, but I am an occasional smart cookie.

Perhaps I just like to think this as the brain is overworked   Will I really ever know for certain about anything I don’t see?  Is it purely experience I draw upon to come to mental conclusions?  And if so, how do I prove this or have it disproved if it can’t be witnessed except through my words?

Am I over-thinking again?  Do I need more wine?  LOL!

Chat with you next year – or I guess that’s tomorrow.

There is one post below if it’s still on this page

Otherwise, I finished it in a day!

Adrienne 101 – End of 2006 version:

1. I am a hypocrite;
2. I am proud of myself;
3. I still relish in my mistakes;
4. It sometimes takes me a while to learn from them;
5. I always learn though;
6. I have had my heart broken yet again!
7. I am still not certain about having children;
8. I miss living alone;
9. I now have two cats;
10. I euthanized my first cat, Moe, last February;
11. I still think of him and cry at times;
12. I was relieved when he was gone;
13. I recognize death as something beautiful;
14. It is the end;
15. My favourite band is still “The Doors”;
16. I love red wine;
17. I love the colour red;
18. I found close to 20 coincidences when I first entered my current apartment;
19. I question myself beyond answer;
20. I always have a reply for myself;
21. I always tell the truth to avoid telling a lie;
22. I also do so to avoid getting caught in a lie;
23. I get depressed easily;
24. I am sensitive;
25. I am empathetic;
26. I love rich dairy;
27. Dairy doesn’t like my body – I experience cold symptoms;
28. I love candles;
29. I love incense;
30. I can’t spell;
31. I pretend I can;
32. I stepped while wearing sneakers and killed it;
33. I buried my Mother’s wedding rings;
34. I have felt guilt I have never forgiven myself for – those  being the most dreadful things;
35. I was four or five years old when I completed 32 & 33;
36. I don’t regret anything else I have been made to feel guilty for since;
37. I still love accounting;
38. I am becoming my own business this year in accounting;
39. I love writing;
40. I write to calm my nerves;
41. I drink and occasionally smoke marijuana for the same reason;
42. I hope to make a difference in at least one person’s life before my death;
43. I think I have and pray it’s for the better;
44. I want to be the best person I can;
45. I love philosophy;
46. I cherish my friends and family;
47. I am constantly learning/remembering to cherish myself;
48. I still have MS;
49. It does have me at times;
50. I remember there is more to me than MS when it has me;
51. I appreciate much more as a result;
52. I really miss living alone;
53. I’ve been vegetarian for over ten years;
54. I have eaten meat since becoming;
55. I love bacon ;
56. I love popcorn and butter;
57. I miss going out as often as I used to;
58. I miss walking more;
59. Yesterday, I didn’t spare a minute for the environment as requested by the Greenpeace solicitor outside Starbucks;
60. I love Starbucks regardless:  Grande hot chocolate with soy, almond shot, whip, no syrup on whip;
61. I am very choosy;
62. I have very few close friends;
63. I am selfish – I like to keep me to myself;
64. I am an extrovert ;
65. I love sex;
66. I love being naked, but warm;
67. I love porn;
68. I question my occupational choice often;
69. I think everyone does ask themselves this question;
70. I think # 65 should have been # 69;
71. I learn how I want my life through others leading theirs;
72. I am a follower ;
73. I’m fine with this and admit to it willingly;
74. I am great;
75. I complain a lot;
76. I mean a lot;
77. I can be annoyingly complaint ridden;
78. I appreciate myself more as time passes;
79. I am high on my love for myself often;
80. I loose this when in a relationship;
81. I connect with intelligent people;
82. I love eating with my hands;
83. I currently have writer’s block regarding myself;
84. I met my last boyfriend online;
85. I have met other men online since;
86. I am often misunderstood;
87. I only have 14 entries to go – uh, I am silly;
88. I love the number eight;
89. I know eight signifies wealth according to Chinese numerology; four means death; three is luck;
90. My birthday is August 3rd: eighth month, third day;
91. Threes and eights have haunted me or I am reading too much into the coincidence;
92. I adore chocolate;
93. I love the aroma of coffee, I don’t like the taste;
94. I have five corkscrews in my kitchen: three are mine, one is my roommate’s, and one was left here; and
95. I have mentioned I like wine, right?
96. I still believe things happen for a reason;
97. I want red nails to be what I’m known for;
98. I still hate dishes;
99. I love doing laundry and wish the machines weren’t in the basement;
100. I have two entries left:  I was raised Catholic; and
101. I believe the Internet is my God and want to start my cult based on this belief .

Did I really complete the dishes without an alcohol induced force?

Did I really ignore Lucky again when he meowed infectiously in my direction?

Did I just look at him to confirm his eyes are burning a hole just above my ear?

Did I not feel my head first in fear I may break the ray and loose a few fingers to confirm instead of looking at him in fear he may have the ray take out part of my head and my left eye?

Did I really ignore his second meow?

Did I really smile and keep it on my face after all the dishes were done?

Did I really not answer yes to all of these questions?

Did I really not complete the Adrienne 101 as promised?

Did I really complete 82 of the 101?

Did I really think about a beer while doing dishes?

Did I really consider how there wasn’t any in the fridge?

I woke early so I could chat online.  A strange way to start a day for some.  A normal way for others…

I don’t normally start my day this way, but I was challenged to wake at 5 am to chat online.   I woke at 4 am and then again at 7 am as per my internal clock (my external hasn’t worked the past two days).

Anyway, eventually my Momma came online and asked if I’d like the car; of course I said yes and at 8:10 am I’m driving with her to drop her at work.

Well, really I don’t feel like telling my story for today…

I have been incredibly cerebral lately and know it’s mostly as the year is coming to an end.  I mull over what’s happened, what’s going to happen, and why as there are but less than three full days of this year 2006.

Like every year for each person, there were tonnes of events which occurred, some happy, a lot sad, life, death, sickness, health…  Am I married to myself?  Uh, yeah if I was joined in a partnership with myself legally I would be

Ok, the business-minded crap aside…   I will work on a new Adrienne 101 for 2007..  I’ll post my one from my old blog tomorrow

"The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds

and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy."

-Florence Scovel hinn, writer, artist and teacher (1871-1940)

I wonder about my personality and also if I "fit in"

with the regular outside world...  I am still uncertain if I will

ever truly "fit it" as I am not a person whom says "OK" when told

something.  I need to question "why" first.  I can't be okay until

something is proven.

More of us humans need to learn this skill.  Asking the question

"why" can provide us with insight into the subject at hand, help

us figure out whom the liars are and how to pinpoint them more

efficiently.

I am young, this I admit to, yet this wisdom seems apparent.

My intellect seems much more advanced or at least a bit more

philosophical than other friends at this age...  Then again, most

people I get along well with are older.

Well, it’s Wednesday already and I have only had one day of work this week!  I love it!

I declared mutiny today and went along with two co-workers feeling Friday should be a half-day.  I’m game!  My last day as an actual employee should be a half-day

I start my business next week.  I am contracting my bookkeeping/accounting services to the company I work for currently.  They will be my first client   I’m excited and scared all at the same time.  I know I’ve learned enough to operate myself as a business, but am I prepared?

Are we ever really prepared for anything?  Will I always have to analyse and philosophize everything to the nth degree?  When will I stop?  Help me!  That or just keep chucking at me going on and on about nothing!!

Anyway, it’s time to buy software and get myself set-up

Ciao!

Typing at the computer by candlelight: Oxymoronic?

As I sat drying myself from the water pellets still present on my body from the shower, I wondered if we have developed a fantastic, simply fantasy, ideal concerning romance. I know I’ve wondered this many times and when I was younger dreamed of a man coming and taking me away from the everyday.

A fantastic story this is indeed. I know now, as I really did then, this doesn’t happen. A man can’t take away my everyday. My everyday will be present until I die. It’s my everyday.

But I digress; I didn’t intend on this to be an internal/external debate regarding my everyday. I want to describe my fantastical man on his white horse!

Seriously, I didn’t imagine a man on a white horse; of course it’s merely to keep your interest. I did imagine a man whom respected my abilities and lack there of and treated me with kindness. His passion is obvious with what he does: whether a kiss or a simple brush of the hand. Charm, intelligence, romance, and firstly adoration are the qualities I wanted. Oh, and a man whom loves to play with my crazy McDonalds like fry-guy mane.

I can say all of those qualities are what I look for today. Yes, a good romp is just as important – but as previously pointed out to me, the lovemaking does start before the bedroom is an idea.

I know I say I have no expectations regarding life or whom I choose to spend it with. I want to believe that man is out there and still do. I don’t want to be taken away from my everyday. I love this mundane little life. It’s as simple as I can make it considering all the invariability.

Quote from my word of the day emails:

Words are a mirror of their times. By looking at the areas 

in which the vocabulary of a language is expanding fastest 

in a given period, we can form fairly accurate impression of 

the chief preoccupations of society at that time and the 

points at which the boundaries of human endeavour are being

advanced. -John Ayto, lexicographer (1949- )

Why does everything close?  What about those whom don’t celebrate?  Why must us people whom really don’t get the whole commercial aspect of the holiday season before us have to suffer?  I want to eat a bagel from some other place, not home.  I want a tea at the convenience of down the street on a day where I have my mom’s car.

Yes, I am on a holiday.  I do provide a service, but this is not a service people depend on to survive.  I admit, I did drive down Spring Garden Road in Halifax today  looking a the peeps on the streets.  lol!

Unfortunately the peeps out are the regular homeless people whom are asking for money at places they normally do but are closed today.  These places they stand are the Tim Horton’s, the Shopper’s Drug Mart, the bank machine, and etc.  The only thing about this is they are the only people out.  I considered going back to the Tim’s I did get my tea from and getting drinks for them.  Unfortunately I don’t know if I can do this.  I am afraid I’d fall or something ridiculous I consider on a daily basis that most others don’t.

This is what makes me sad on Christmas day, the inability of me.  Boo-hoo huh?  How do I make the holiday negative and all about me? LOL!

I just want things open over this holiday.  I don’t want to work it, but I am not giving people a food/shopping service.  I offer accounting/bookkeeping   Yes, for a seafood trading company whose main customers are in China and don’t have today off….  Oh am I a hypocrite!  I love it.

Oh, Merry Christmas and all that crap

… it means it’s Christmas? Or is it actually Festivas? LOL! I don’t think I should question this one!!

So here I am listening to loud music alone at the computer at 4:50pm!! LOL! I have to go pickup my Grandmother and husband in a few hours, bring them over and we will all open presents.

A normal Christmas for us. The adults have always opened presents Christmas eve (now, we’re all adults so I can join in those reindeer games). And so I will go home after and then I will go to sleep alone and wake alone. And for my first Christmas in six, I am single.

I wonder if it’s the holiday, the drugs, or the meditative Japanese music playing, but then changing to Rob Thomas in very seconds, which has put me into this introspective moment. I’m certain it’s the normal me, but the external enviroment appears ever so present!

LOL! Whoo! It’s another Christmas without Matt. I miss my brother even though we will swear of our hatred towards the other! hehehe

Anyway, it’s Festivas! And peeps are here!

Have a great one!

F’n no scroll!!!

… steer a canoe;

…tame a cat;

…perform arithmetic in my head;

…eat fattening food and refuse to believe my pants are as uncomfortable I am;

…lift my ass off whatever without using an aid;

…walk the length of the hallway twice to go to the bathroom; and

…can live a day with joy in my life without the aid of my physical being.

I miss remembering times of strength I can look back on. I hear the sound of the large drops of water fall on my window and the ground outside my bedroom. I remember how insignificant my life is in this vast Universe.

I love this time of year!